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Hey lovely.

I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling.
Firstly, unfortunately improving from depression takes a lot longer than we hope & think. Often as the person going through it we miss the small improvements & positives. The fact that you are getting help is great. I really found mums in mind helped but I didn’t realise until I’d completed the course. I know it is hard to connect/talk to people but if you can with people there, you know that they will understand.

What you are going through is completely normal & a lot of people are in the same place as you but just as you are able to hide it, they are as well. So as much as you feel afraid that you will embarrass yourself, no one will look at you that way. It is not shameful to cry & especially in the MLP meetings there will always be people to help & comfort. No one will judge. It is great that you are getting out & it is important that you go to settings that make you feel safe, wanted & loved.

Try & not worry about what other people are thinking/analysing things out of your control. His parents will most likely be trying to do the right thing, while worrying about their son as well. And your parents will be so concerned & just wanting to make you better. You have a lot of negative feelings at the moment & remember that the negative things you feel about yourself are not what other people think.

I’ve found if you are able to talk to people about what helps you & what doesn’t, then they are less likely to upset you without meaning too. You can also ask them how they feel about it. I always feel like a burden & when I’ve spoken to people about it, I’ve had different responses that I didn’t expect, like my Grandad who never went to bed until 4am so I always had someone to talk through during the night!

I don’t want to try to change your mind on anti depressants or second guess your reason for not wanting to take them. I have over 16 years experience of taking antidepressants of both positive & negative results & am happy to talk about them with you if you want to.

Lots of love
Xxxx